The Benefits of Building Relationships

Are you building walls or bridges?

I was four years old when a shopping crowd separated me from my parents. I was too little to push back, too little to be seen and too little to be heard over the din of Christmas music, chatter and movement. 

When my parents found me, I was in deep conversation with an elegant woman I had gravitated to. I introduced my parents to my new friend, Claire, and told them about her Maltese, the same breed my dad was looking at for our family. My parents were equally relieved about my safety and worried that my "stranger danger" alarm was not working. I, on the other hand, wasn't worried at all. I had made a connection.

To this day, I am often the last one to sit down at a dinner because I'm finishing up a conversation, and the first one to recognize an opportunity to make an introduction because I am a firm believer in the power of connection. There is an African proverb that reads:

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

In this new world of hyper-connectedness, we are able to create infinite connections, yet often ignore the possibilities they provide. In the book Get Big Things Done: The Power of Connectional Intelligence by Erica Dhawan and Saj-Nicole Joni, we are introduced to the concept of Connectional Intelligence; the ability to combine knowledge, ambition and human capital, forging connections on a global scale that create unprecedented value and meaning. It is this combination we find the biggest benefits for the expansion of human potential.

Unconvinced? Here are 3 reasons to get connected:

1)  Work better, faster -- Recently, I led a team that was tasked with creating a training solution for improving our key metrics. Information from our end users showed they needed something easy, quick, and repeatable. We came up with an idea for micro-learnings in the form of very short YouTube style videos. The videos would give maximum impact in minimal time. Time, unfortunately, was something we didn't have on our side as it was a tight deadline.

Instead of shooting the videos myself, I reached out to our field team members for help, and the results were phenomenal. Small teams across the nation shot the videos, and I edited the pieces for consistency. Not only were we able to complete the video series ahead time, we had a far greater adoption rate because the videos were made for team members by team members. Post launch data shows the videos to have the highest engagement rate compared to any other deliverable in the program, and the progress in metric improvement has been very positive. These results could not have been duplicated had I been working alone.

2) Foot + door -- It's not what you know, it's who you know. We've all heard it, and have probably rolled our eyes once or twice. At the end of the day, though, affirmation from a credible source is far more weighty than any accomplishment on a resume.

Early in my career, I worked in sales and had a goal of opening an account at a specific luxury property. I knew our products were exactly in line with what the property needed, I knew sister properties had already opened accounts with us, and I knew I could support them well. Despite my best efforts, I struggled in getting a meeting with the Director.

After a particularly challenging morning, I found myself in the restaurant of the property. I struck up a conversation with another women who was dining, and we were surprised to find we had many of the same acquaintances, and even went to the same gym. When she asked who I was trying to meet with, I told her about the daunting task of speaking to the Director. As it turned out, the Director was her best friend.

By the end of the day, I had my meeting. By the end of the week, I had my account. By the end of the year, I counted the two as part of my circle of friends. Building a relationship is not transnational, it can be transformational.

3) The truth about a rising tide -- the aphorism is associated with the idea that improvements in the general economy will benefit all participants in that economy. In relationship building, the concept can refer to the sharing of experience, and knowledge. When we share our knowledge and experience, we are able to help others as well as ourselves--and potentially reach a great audience.

In consulting with a business partner, I was asked my insight on a specific software. While I did not have knowledge of the software, I knew someone who did and I put the two in contact.

Their initial meeting revealed more than a shared knowledge of software. The two ended up having symbiotic businesses, as well as a passion for paying it forward. They are now partnering together to create a foundation that will support disadvantaged youth in technical skill building. The sharing of knowledge in this case, went to a goal beyond business innovation. The hope of this foundation is is to stimulate a new generation of highly skilled workers. Beyond that, and more importantly, the hope is to change lives.

While building relationships may appear daunting, it really comes down to a few steps.

Approach with curiosity, look for common ground, and assess what you can contribute as well as what you can learn.

In my observation, children seem to do this incredibly well. They approach situations without guile or strategy, and their natural curiosity is disarming. My daughter, for example, started a new school this year. I was a bit worried, as she tends to be shy (that comes from her father). When I picked her up after her first day, I asked her my usual question, "What were three things you learned today?" Smiling, she replied, "I learned so many of us LOOOOOVE unicorns, Harper is my new BFF and we can't wait for recess! When can we go on a play date?" Apparently, I didn't have to worry after all.

Connection is simply human nature.

In evolutionary times, building relationships was essential to survival. After all, there was safety in numbers. Today, we evolve again to realize that the concept of building relationships is not about how we survive, but rather, how we thrive.

*Originally posted on LinkedIn here